friday night
photos by beth
Andrew Dickson was here for Show & Tell last week. He shared with us 38 things he has learned over the past 38 years, such has hiring someone to mow the lawn, and how to make yourself indispensable. Now, can we hire you to be our FoGD life coach? Ok fanks, bai!
Technically, we have dibs on Andrew, but you guys at FoGD seem cool enough to share him with.
Perks to coming into work on the weekend:
Free admission to the Portland Youth Phiharmonic concert.
Recently, Millard Fillmore popped in for a visit. If you didn’t know, he was our thirteenth president. Apparently, he was unaware of his accomplishments, and came in to give a little speech.
I make Jim Riswold horny. Upon asking “Who was Willard Fillmore?” Mr. Riswold demanded that I write a report about myself. I think Mr. Riswold was offended that I didn’t know the slightest tidbit about an Adonis like yours truly, and sent me to take a long hard look in the mirror, and reflect on what I had done.
Starting from the beginning,
I was born at the turn of the 19th century, when America was in a precarious position. The country was fresh out of the box, the frontier was open, states were appearing, and women thought puffed sleeves were a good look. It was a weird time of adventure and discovery.
I wasn’t handed an upright education like the spoiled brats of today’s political scene. I took several apprenticeships in my father’s trade (Clothmaking), eventually landed a job as a clerk, and ended up studying law.
A few years later, the people of New York elected me to their general assembly. Despite being a fairly prolific man, I avoided the limelight, and readily gave credit to others. I was a member of the anti-masonic party, which erected itself to combat the oligarchical power of the freemasons. Later on, I joined the Whig party, a party that everyone knows about because we wore those ridiculous wigs. Aside from the rugs, we did a lot of good things for the country, like opposing tyrannical maniacs and an aristocratic government.
I sound great, huh? A real zero to hero story. Well, actually, nobody elected me president. I was the Vice President to Zachary Taylor, and when Zachary Taylor croaked, I became chief. Once in office, I signed the Fugitive Slave Act, a suicidal and very uncool move. The law gave slave owners the right to send bounty hunters up north to claim their escaped property. I wasn’t a fan of slavery, but saw it as a necessary evil in the prevention of the inevitable southern secession.
The Fugitive Slave act contradicted my anti-oligarchical attitudes, thus, nobody could understand my politics, thus, I wasn’t re-elected. I continued my life as a regular Joe-sixpack, but can’t remember since nobody wrote about my later years.
Thanks Millard!
WK 12isn’t just about being creative, it’s about flexing muscle and physically humiliating yourself in front of others.
Today we 12ers ventured down to the basketball court for the first, of what we’re sure will be many, 12 Olympics. There were five events: soccer, hula hooping, W+K trivia, cereal box teeth grabbing game, and basketball. With eliminations taking place at the end of each round, the competition was stiff. Soccer balls flailed, hips gyrated, brain cells combusted, teeth clinched, and bank shots prevailed.
In the end, both Beth and Corinne emerged as victors and received a ticket to the Blazer game that night. Beth generously gifted her ticket to Michelle, and she accompanied Corinne to the game. The Blazers won by 13 and Michelle and Corinne went home and iced their aching joints.
During the first week of WK12, Jim and Andrew decided to teach us a lesson about teamwork or doing things with our hands or patience or something like that.
They gave us a 1,000-piece puzzle. But not just any puzzle! They gave us a hideous 1,000-piece puzzle of an Ed Hardy tiger that’s surrounded by an exploding halo of flowers and hearts and skulls and other known pirate favorites. It’s pretty ugly.
But we knew that aesthetic quality was not the lesson to be learned. Nor, as it turned out, was teamwork or doing things with our hands or patience or something like that.
No, the real lesson of all our hard labor came on Monday when we thought we’d finally finished the damn thing…and then discovered that the puzzle was missing exactly one piece. Can you spot the missing piece?
(Hint: It’s the eye of the goddamn tiger.)
Yesterday was Jinnina’s birthday. We decided that she deserved to be queen for a day, and moved her desk into Chairman Riswold’s office. Jinnina helps us with everything, all day, every day. We decided that she take charge of 12, and leave the paperwork to Riswold. Jinnina did a great job making our lives a little more difficult, and “Jimnina” tried his best to answer our stupid questions.
